No Quit

You know those days.  The ones where it’s just hard.  It’s just rough.  Everything you do is wrong.  Everything you try to do, you fail.  Nothing works right, nothing goes right.  You hurt.  You’re tired.  You’re miserable.  You’re frustrated.  You feel pathetic and ridiculous.  You wonder why you even try…

You know those days.  They are no strangers.  They knock on your door first thing in the morning with simple things.  Things like… slipping on your icy front steps or not having any coffee filters.  From there, they tumble into inefficiency and just being a step behind.  Escalation further continues with minute mistakes you might not otherwise recognize.  But they have built on an already upset foundation and from there, you are at their mercy.

On those days, I find my sound to be one of overcoming.  I find myself saying that I won’t give up.  I won’t quit.  I won’t stop.  Not now.  Not now.  I won’t stop.  To me, those days where I’m a moment behind and everything is piling up and my mind is racing and my body is hurting and tired – they are an invitation.  An invitation to be and to become.

Those days, I feel it out of necessity and out of certainty; I must swim.  I must.

The days you feel like quitting the most are when it is easiest to recognize and, thus, easiest to overcome the compulsion to give up.

You might not give up the dream.  You might not give up the goal. 

…but you might give up something.

Man!  Even just typing those words hurts!  And reading them is painful!

This week, I had a moment.  In a well-orchestrated, embarrassing, and frustrating rendezvous; it was suddenly conveyed to me that I am not a great swimmer.  I am a good swimmer!  I am a strong swimmer.  And mostly, I am stubborn.  But I have at least 14 things (and I wrote them all down, so I know that that number is for sure) that I need to work on.  14!  FOURTEEN!

… there were tears…

Anyway.

Yahweh does all things well.  I was humbled with the understanding of how far I have managed to come, realizing how much farther I have to go to improve.  And I realized as I was preparing myself to continue with this journey, that some people would give up right here.  Right here.

I could give up.  I could crumple that list and toss it in the trash and I could say that I was fine!  If I could swim 10 miles, then I could swim 21 miles just as well doing what I’m doing.  I could let my pride be the loudspeaker.  I could quit on learning and improving and growing and changing and being and becoming.

I could give up.  I could stop chasing perfection and settle for just getting there.  I could.  You could.  Perfection is an elusive ideal; pursued and never caught.  But the only way to have her is in the pursuit!  In your reaching, your fingertips might ever so slightly touch, but never quite hold on.  Be content in that.  Never cease your seeking.

And sell your experiences!  Sell them the moment they become a burden to you.  Don’t give up because you’ve arrived.  You’ll never make it, doing that.

I know.  I know it’s hard.  To always pursue, to always chase, to always be seeking.  I know it’s not easy.  Chasing perfection.  Letting go of what you know.  Learning.  Growing.  Changing.  Becoming.  Reaching.  Believing.

But you know… in a weird way… it kind of IS easy…

Just don’t quit.

One thought on “No Quit

  1. I love how you know your own humanity – how you can experience it, see it, define it, process it, and move forward. These are real thoughts that many people have in whatever they are pursuing, and making yourself vulnerable in this way, knowing yourself — this is important! I'm so glad that you know how to balance yourself. It is an inspiration! Every time!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s