Fat Head

If you are my friend on Facebook and you have not read my Note about being a Bosch, I should like to direct you to that Note at this time.

If you are not my friend on Facebook.

Okay, so my people (as in, we, the Bosch) are both German and Irish descendants.  Irish passion.  German ingenuity.  Irish temper.  German stubbornness.  Excellent qualities.

But this also means that we are barbarians in structure.  Bone structure, I mean.  We come from long lines of pillagers and fighters, warriors and farmers, and, basically, underdogs with brute strength.  We are our own army and we don’t let our numbers get in the way of our size.

So.  Barbarians in structure.

THIS MEANS WE HAVE LARGE HEADS.

(I put that in caps to get it through my thick skull.) 

Now.  Ruling out the ice caps melting, meteors becoming crashed into us, the ozone layer leaving and the sun exploding… our heads could definitely single-handedly crush EVERYONE.

On top of that (BA HA HA!!! It’s a pun!!!) we have wild, Irish, curly, red hair.  Or at least, I do.  And a lot of it.  A lot.  A lot.  I don’t even double loop my hair ties.  That’s a lot.

Ridiculous, wiry, mangy, burly, unorthogonal (?) red hair…  that is quite beautiful and lovely and amazing!  I am so incredibly grateful to have red hair!  You have no idea!  It’s so cool!  And my hair has it’s own natural highlights and low lights and it’s just GORGEOUS!  People take pictures of it and want to touch it and everything… it’s a great contribution to society.

… what does any of this have to do with swimming?

Well.  Between my ginormous skull and my plentiful red hair, I manage to burn through swim caps like they are going out of style.  (Please, how could a latex, head hugging cap EVER go out of style!)

In the swimming world they have three kinds of caps; latex, silicone and lycra.

I have always been fond of the lycra ones because they just fit better and don’t rip.  They are cloth-like and feel more comfortable.  However, they stretch pretty quick and are not as hydrodynamic and since we are working on speed – that’s more important now.  So lycra is right out.

Silicone and latex feel like rubber and I’ve only ever seen them in one size:

One Size Fits Everybody Except You, Bethany Bosch

Which is why they go exploding off my head as I rip them apart with my amazing brain power.  Before that tragic end to our dubious relationship, I need to adjust them every other lap as they battle wildly to appease me.

… it was the best of times and the worst of times…

Deciding I need to sort this out – I can’t go blowing through caps all the time, I need to actually swim at some point! – I went online shopping during my lunch break.

I was scanning products, wondering if I would find anything.  And how would I know what size my head is?  Do they do L and XL?  Or do they measure by inches?

“Hey guys, what size do you think my head is?” I asked my co-workers.

I was met with laughter and a variety of comments that I will not share.

The first place I looked online only had the ONE SIZE.  I was discouraged, but persevered.  The next site I went to seemed to be a bit more hopeful.  One thing said something about “hair management system”… but it was $30 and needed to be worn under some other type of special swim cap.

I sighed, I was really just looking for a swim cap with a description that would say the following:

“For women with large Germanic skulls and lots of Wild, Irish, Curly, Red Hair.”

AND SUDDENLY!

There it was.  Easy as that!  Speedo makes a silicone cap with more space at the top for your hair!  In the product reviews, women with long hair and women with big heads who were always needing to adjust their caps, LOVED it.

Can you believe that?!  They know!  I was thrilled!  Somebody out there knows that my head is a danger to small children, should it ever decided to jump off my neck and roll aimlessly through a crowd.  I was pondering this as I finished up ordering three of them, and I really began to wonder to myself a deep, strange, perplexing thought:

“I wonder how much my head weighs?”

“I’d guess 22 lbs,” My co-worker said.

“Hmm… yeah, I was hoping it wasn’t much more than 25,” I answered.  “Maybe we should start a pool, and we can all guess and I’ll get it weighed…”

One thought on “Fat Head

  1. Reblogged this on The Miss Adventures of Swimming and commented:

    I should like to propose a toast… to Speedo Long Hair swim caps! No longer do I stop every lap to adjust my swim cap! No longer do caps explode off of my head, ripping apart under the strain of holding my hair back! No, friends! All has been remedied. I am very grateful to Speedo and their amazing product. I am no longer ashamed of my gigantic noggin.
    Happy Anniversary, head, hair, and cap! It’s been a good year of keeping it all together!

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